Having Faith.


There’s this adage about how when you let go of something that doesn’t serve you, you create space for better things to to come into your life.

On some level, it seems a little woo woo…I mean, you can’t expect to just ditch everyone at any sign of discomfort and then expect “better” things to just drop in your lap, you know?

But when you are aware, paying attention to *why* certain things/people don’t serve you, and how you create more space for yourself to take care, and then also try to build connections with people that genuinely do respect what you have to offer, whether personally or professionally…

Well, it is somewhat organic, but not effortless.

It’s part of life work—and when we treat it as such, when we trust our intuition, it does work in our favour.

As a semi-nomadic freelancer, I feel like I have a little heartbreak a few times a week these days: a weird client, something that reminds me of a past lover being gone from my life…almost every day, there’s a little goodbye.

I’ve struggled to find the *hellos* the past couple of years; really there’s been a lot of transition and I have found myself extremely lonely on a regular basis.

I don’t mean to dismiss the amazing connections that I’ve made…it’s just been different.

Out of these transitions came a ton of space that I’m finding the courage to work with, and it feels like something is finally happening. I still have to work at it, and I still have trouble with the goodbyes.

But today I had that little (big) feeling of knowing that…yeah, I’m actually creating the perfect life for myself. There will be bumps, but maybe I can actually, really, do it.

So: Gratitude to the ones who choose to work things out, who ask how things are, who just take the time to connect, professionally and personally, those people who say “I know you are good, I know you can do it, keep going,” in some way or another.

You are the people that make me understand why I can’t hang out in the darkness of goodbye.

Thank you for letting me know that the space I take up in this lifetime, whatever life is, matters.


2 thoughts on “Having Faith.

  1. Reading this made my heart both hurt and happy for you; we are in such a similar place. I just moved back to Boulder after a long time of bouncing around from place to place, trying desperately to find a home and finding so much heartbreak and trauma instead. Like you, I came here to try to just be still, to sit with it all and surround myself with people who support and love me. But my god, it can be so very lonely sometimes, to the point of paralysis. As you say, a lot of those people are new in my life and it is hard at times to connect with people who don’t know your whole story. And who wants to hear your whole story while trying to get to know
    you when so much of it is sad?
    So these relationships remain somewhat superficial for now, but they are beautiful people, so at least I’m on the right path.
    All to say, I admire your courage, self-awareness and commitment to stay true to yourself and listen to what you need and want. I truly believe we ultimately attract those into our lives who are reflections of who we are. I think, from what I can extract about you from your writing, good things and people are to come. 🙂

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