2015: for Specificity & Clarity


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Well that was interesting.

2014 and 2013, I meant, were interesting. Each so different and strange and wonderful and hard in their own ways.

Even though I feel like I look like I’m about 80 years old these days, I feel good 2015.

It started out with a bang—a small house party where I felt I bonded with a new friend from here (I’d just published her article that day too) and an old friend from Vancouver. That feeling of closeness is such a relief. And it didn’t take too long to build, with these two. And there are more people to get to know, here and online and everywhere.

For that I am grateful.

I spent most of yesterday in bed, hungover but feeling socially refreshed, that feeling of possibility about like and love has returned. I have a good feeling about this year: it will be cleaner and clearer than the last.

For the first time ever I’m going to get to travel. By that I mean short visits and nowhere exotic, but now I can afford it: Toronto, Vancouver, maybe a short trip to Regina or the states.

I’m actually living the life I was dreaming about a year or two ago. I’m actually doing this.

And now that I think about it, hell yeah, I am kinda proud of myself. Saying that is not something I do easily…but fuck yeah, I’m kinda rocking this life!

elephant journal is doing well and my last review was positive. I think I’m past the hardest parts, with that and I’m finally feeling like I’m in my groove. I’m much more comfortable with the crew and working online by myself.

And this year’s promise to myself: be specific. Be detailed. Focus. Follow through. Communicate in clearer ways. Pay attention. Hone in. Be detailed, but don’t try to take on too much.

Tame all of the best ideas into manageable (do-able) pieces, and forget the rest.

Last night I had a vivid dream where I was hanging out with Johnny Depp (I fell asleep watching this movie) and a bunch of other people. We were camping or something—outdoors, just hanging out, mostly being quiet. I felt compelled to sort of talk to him but I was enjoying him just being there, too. I felt like we were somehow close. We were relaxed, just checking out board games to play.

I remember having the giddiness come up, like I was supposed to be excited because he is this big star. So it did, but then when let go of that hype and paid attention to how I really felt, I realized I just liked hanging out with him.

Then John and Kelly showed up. I remember Kelly said something to me that just cracked me up, and I was laughing so hard.

But, it was all just nice. Just a gentle, quiet presence.

And I am content about this past year, this new year…I’m genuinely excited, but without that giddiness. Without the highs.

Yeah.

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