Confrontation, conversation, negotiation

Today’s Daily Prompt: Fight or Flight. When faced with confrontation, do you head for the hills or walk straight in? Was there ever a time you wished you’d had the opposite reaction?

I’ve been thinking a lot about (quiet) leadership, conflict and negotiation, action and reaction lately.   Interpersonal dynamics fascinate me.

There have been plenty of situations in the past when I wished I’d confronted people immediately instead of just letting things either fester or drop.  So I’m practicing facing up to these things in the moment where appropriate.  But there is absolutely nothing wrong with taking time to assess the ‘big picture’ of a situation thoroughly instead of reacting, then being proactive in improving or changing the situation (for yourself) instead.

Currently I’m (re) reading a great book related to this principle.  It’s called Never Turn Away by Rigdzin Shikpo.  Highly recommended.

Personally, I am not confronted often.  When people call me on my shit – and if it’s valid – I actually really appreciate it.  Every now and then I am a big freaking brat and I need to be straightened out.

I’m not triggered often, but when I am it’s …interesting.  I will not *fight* back in an obvious way.  I’m more likely to rise above it, sometimes in a real way, occasionally in a self-righteous and smug way that doesn’t really solve things but sometimes makes me feel more empowered (I like to call this the “friendly fuck you”).  This feeling – although it is ego-based – will eventually bring me back down to a level of confidence and clarity to deal with the situation from a more grounded perspective.

Mostly, though, I just want to have a real, honest conversation that evolves towards some resolution, and ideally improves the relationship between the two parties.   When someone is willing and able to do this with me, especially about difficult topics…wow.  It means so much.

Recently I’ve been getting bolder, especially in dealing with negative people and situations.  But this boldness is almost never confrontational.  My normal reaction is to recede into my shell and analyze the situation and/or talk it through, really understand the bigger picture, and (strategically) work from there.

I can’t say much more here about the strategic part.  But I do need you to trust me when I say I will never act with evil intent.  I may make the odd mistake, but when it comes down to it I will always lead with the heart, and I will do what’s best for me and the greater good.


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