Hee hee, I said ‘toot’. My silly side is one thing I like about myself, but enough of the immaturity. Here is some serious stuff.
One thing that has always been difficult, that I’ve always not liked about myself, is that I’m sensitive, really sensitive, probably in the HSP category of sensitive. Like in the way people have called me: crazy, neurotic, emotional, intense, unstable, reactive, overly analytical, etc etc.
I never knew how to handle this before, and sometimes it came across as a negative trait.
So I figured it was a negative trait too.
I’ve also often overcompensated by appearing so cool and calm and collected. Then it surprises people when they realize how sensitive I actually am, so they probably feel deceived, or uncomfortable, or turned off when they discover this – and I don’t blame them, in a way.
So I’m trying to not hide it anymore, to just put it on the table, up front, in the best way possible, and also to just manage it better socially. For instance, by setting healthier boundaries, forming close relationships with those that can truly honor this side of me, and by consciously caring less about peoples opinions about me.
I’m practicing embracing it and using it as a tool for (com) passion, and for (for instance) positive and constructive reflecting. Writing (here) is one of my tools.
So, I’m growing into it, and I’m loving myself more as I do! I’m learning that it’s not a bad trait…I just didn’t understand how to manage it before: it seemed to have a mind of it’s own, rearing it’s ugly head when least expected, sometimes in unflattering ways.
I’m not going to be sorry about it anymore. I’m going to accept it, work with it, and apply it in only the best ways. I’m going to develop a career that uses it (writing, teaching) and really try to look outside my head so that I may use that energy compassionately instead of bottling it up.
I’ve recently realized that I relate to other sensitive types very well. We make fantastic mediators and mediums. We can be wonderful friends and have a keen intuition about others. We have the ability to ‘sense’ things that some others can’t.
So from now on, instead of going ‘ugh, I’m so sensitive, it causes so many problems,’ I’m going to say ‘wow, I’m so sensitive, it’s such an amazing gift. How can I use this to better myself and others?’
NOTE: I don’t even know how ‘valid’ the HSP concept is (I’m no psychiatrist). I think that everyone is sensitive to some extent, and we all could all use an assessment of how we can learn to be more so (eg: empathetic) to others, or to work with our sensitivity to use it in meaningful ways.